Kevin Horrigan writes for the Post-Dispatch. Judging by
this picture, he means business. He may also be the long lost twin of
Newt Gingrich. In light of the Michael Vick saga that hasn't been getting enough press lately, I figured I'd do a run through of Kevin's take on the issue, which is aptly titled
"DOGS." Let's play a game - I'll name an event from the recent past, and a Kevin Horrigan-inspired headline to go with it:
September 11th - "BUILDINGS"
O.J. Simpson trial - "COURTROOMS"
Man on the fucking moon - "MOON"
Iran-Contra - "WEAPONS"
See how this doesn't work, Kevin? Let's hit it.
Ken Smith called me up. He said, "Have you read been reading about this guy Michael Vick?"This blogger "has read been reading about Michael Vick."
Typical answer to Ken's question: "Yep. Pretty awful." Ridiculous sounding, made up answer, courtesy of Kevin Horrigan:
Who hasn't? I said. The quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, one of the marquee players in the National Football League, has been indicted by a federal grand jury for taking part in a dogfighting ring in Virginia. Gruesome details. Folks are appalled. "Ookie," Vick's nickname in dogfighting circles, may never play again.Thanks for letting us know who Michael Vick is. Since you didn't use quotes, I'll just assume that this is exactly what you said to Ken Smith. "Folks are appalled" - as we'll find out, Kevin Horrigan = appalled by just about everything.
"I've been thinking," Ken Smith said. "Why do you suppose people are all upset about dogfighting, when boxing is still OK?"Intelligent answer: "Well, Kenwood, boxing has sanctioning bodies and state licensure procedures that require fighters to pass physical exams and stuff. There are also doctors in the corners and referees that stop the fights before things get out of hand. And, unlike dogfighting, boxers aren't allowed to tear each other's throats out. Boxers also tend to be humans, and not dogs, while fighting dogs tend to be dogs, and not humans, so we're really being stupid if we're comparing the two."
I'm no brain surgeon, but Kenneth Rupert Smith Jr., is. He's the director of the division of neurosurgery at St. Louis University Medical School. At 74, he no longer does surgery, but back when he did, he found himself operating from time to time on the brains of boxers injured in the ring.Nobody, and I mean
nobody thought that Kevin Horrigan was a brain surgeon. I bet Kenneth also found himself operating "from time to time" on the brains of people who aren't boxers, too. Like, construction workers who fall and hit their heads.
Dr. Smith approaches the human brain with a kind of reverence. That the city, state and country sanctions a sport in which the object is to inflict punishment on the human brain makes him angry. In the 1980s, he was among the leaders in the American Medical Association's call for the sport to be banned.Wait...Mike Vick is a boxer?
It hasn't been, and statistics say that an average of about 10 boxers each year die of brain injury, about the same number who die playing football and way fewer than those who die skydiving or mountain climbing.Per Wikipedia:
Fatality rates per 100,000 participants
- Horse racing: 128
- Sky diving: 123
- Hang gliding: 56
- Mountaineering: 51
- Scuba Diving: 11
- Motorcycle racing: 7
- College Football: 3
- Boxing: 1.3
What was that about mountain climbing and skydiving, again?
There aren't any statistics on the number of former boxers with permanent brain injury, but Muhammad Ali is a notable poster child for that reality.No one is sure about what caused his Parkinson's. In the documentary
When We Were Kings, Ali was asked if he had any regrets about being a boxer. He said that if he never boxed, he'd still be a painter in Louisville. Even if boxing is the cause of his condition, I doubt he'd change a thing. Is that OK with you?
If Ali is a poster child for anything, it's for being like one of the top 3 famous human beings of all time, being an awesome boxer, and for saying "fuck you" to the Vietnam War. And for contributing a lot of time and money to Parkinson's research - not for being a sick old man.
All this being the case, why are people holding demonstrations against Michael Vick, threatening to boycott the NFL's sponsors if he's allowed to play and generally expressing all sorts of outrage?Because he was a pretty big dickhead to lead a dogfighting ring?
Why is dogfighting banned in 48 states and boxing in none?Why aren't really stupid columns banned from being printed in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch? The effect on my brain is equal to that of being punched in the head. You know what? Boxing is dangerous, like most other sports. Hell, everything is dangerous. Ban everything! Ban the internet! Lots of people die in home accidents. Ban...walking through your house!
Well, the argument goes, human beings choose to fight and dogs don't, although there is wiggle room in both species.What the fuck are you talking about? Wiggle room? There is not an argument here, dipshit. You know why? Because boxing and dogfighting are completely unrelated.
Wiggle room?
A lot of fighters take up the sport because it offers them chances they can't get elsewhere: fame, fortune, a way out of poverty. On one hand, there is a life spent in a ghetto or a trailer park. On the other hand, there is the pain and suffering of fighting and possibly death or permanent injury (although nobody thinks it will happen to him). Is that really much of choice?Way to generalize every professional boxer in the world. I don't think people are forced to box - you have to want to do it, or else, you're not going to make any money. Mike Tyson, for example, went bankrupt toward the end of his career. He fought a few times to alleviate his situation, but he really didn't want to train or anything. In turn, he got his ass kicked, and retired. Still bankrupt.
On the dogs' part, there is some question about choice, too. Dogfighters say their pit bulls are bred to the action and crave it.Wait, so boxers don't have a choice, and are forced to fight. Dogs are trained to fight, and want to. What the hell are you talking about? This is wiggle room?
Then there is Carl Herkstroeter, president of the Georgia-based American Temperament Test Society, which put 25,000 dogs through a 10-part drill to test stability, shyness, aggressiveness and friendliness in the company of people. Malcolm Gladwell reported on the findings in The New Yorker last year:Data alert!
"Eighty-four per cent of the pit bulls that have been given the test have passed, which ranks pit bulls ahead of beagles, Airedales, bearded collies and all but one variety of dachshund."So Michael Vick, an alleged dogfighter, took otherwise gentle, kind, and obedient dogs, trained them to be vicious. What's your point?
Thus, properly bred and trained, a pit bull is less likely to bite you than most wiener dogs. Go figure.Oh, so your point was that you held the idiot's assumption that pit bulls are killing machines. This qualifies you to write an article about this issue.
The indictments against Vick and his associates in something called Bad Newz Kennels charge that they bought, bred and trained dogs at a farm Vick owns in southeast Virginia; that they traveled across state lines to enter and watch dog fights; that purses as high as $26,000 were bet on the animals, and that some members of Vick's crew executed animals that didn't perform well in the ring. Dogs were electrocuted, hanged and shot, the indictment charges. On Thursday, Vick pleaded not guilty.Kevin, you were wondering why dogfighting is illegal. I think the executions, electrocutions, and hangings cover it. See, you didn't even have to write this!
Up until what happens after the fight, this sounds a lot like what professional boxing managers do, although there's a lot more money bet on the human fighters.See, this is precisely why boxing is not illegal. No hanging, electrocuting, shooting, etc. Is that hard for you to reconcile?
The rationales offered for boxing and dogfighting sound remarkably similar: Combat is part of human (or canine) nature, and this is competition in its purest form.I don't think anyone thinks boxing is "competition in its purest form." I mean, they wear gloves, they can't kick, bite, tackle, or gouge. It's a sport. It's purer than, say, golf. But still. The intent isn't to kill.
Why is it OK for Vick to be shredded between two 300-pound defensive ends, and not OK for one of Vick's dogs to go up against a single opponent?Because Vick wears pads, and defensive tackles don't usually bite at his throat? Kevin, you really seem like a weird piece of shit. "But the dogs fight a
single opponent. What's wrong with a little dog-on-dog action? Vick's out there, in pads and a helmet mind you, being
shredded by 300-pound men. Granted, he gets up most of the time, and won't face a firing squad for not scoring a touchdown, and he has doctors to tend to all his bruises, but still."
In the end, the answer seems to be that a lot of people like dogs a lot more than they do people. When you watch the crowd at a boxing match, it's hard to blame them.I've watched a lot of boxing, and the crowds seem pretty much like any other sports crowd. They cheer when something cool happens, and sit pretty quietly when the action is slow.
And let's say you have a kid. He is athletic, strong, and motivated. He takes up an interest in boxing, and you go along with it, because it's what he wants to do. Your other kid takes up an interest in dogfighting, because your dog Randy is really big. When you say no to Randy entering the Dogzalicious tournament, does that mean you care more about him than your boxing kid?
Or, Kevin, did you not think about any of this before writing your column? After all, you probably got to choose what to write about. You had wiggle room, dude!
