Neon peon

You've probably already heard by now that Deion Sanders wrote a freelance newspaper column about Mike Vick's dogfighting ring. It was sort of controversial in that it came pretty close to defending Vick -- not just like "let's wait and see if he's guilty or not," but more like "look, dogfighting can be very satisfying and exciting" -- and talk radio had a heyday with it. Sanders' "real" boss, NFL Networks, read the column and immediately commanded the paper (the Fort Myers News-Press) to can it -- claiming exclusive rights to Neon's "image and opinions" but probably secretly wishing they could take one without the other.

The sports editor at the News-Press was disappointed he had to "spike" Deion's column -- ha, a pun! -- claiming "it was his best work since he started writing his column in January."

In fact, the editor had tons of great things to say about Deion Sanders, journalist.

No, he’s not the most polished writer. And he hasn’t always been an angel. And he does live in Texas.

I can forgive a columnist for not being a good writer. But living in TEXAS????

What I can say is what he’s been like to deal with since I’ve met him.

He’s easy to talk to. He always has his column in on time. He never cusses, and he cares about his hometown.

Seriously, what do these weird comments have to do with anything? OK, he lives in Texas and I guess that would affect his ability to be a " local" columnist in Fort Myers... but is that really most people's beef with Prime Time writing in the newspaper? Also... he never cusses. When the News-Press let Darryl Strawberry write a guest column for seven weeks, each submission was vulgarity-ridden and scrawled in crayon. But he did care about his hometown.

Anyhoo, on to the column! Before it gets completely removed from the Web, let's look at a couple excerpts. I don't plan on dedicating a ton of media criticism toward Deion Fucking Sanders.

What a dog means to Vick might be a lot different than what he means to you or I. Hold on, don't start shaking your head just yet. Listen to me.

Some people kiss their dogs on the mouth. Some people let their dogs eat from their plate. Some people dress their dogs in suits more expensive than mine, if you can believe that.

Some people choke out their dogs when they lose a fight and bury them in a hole full of other dead dogs.

And some people enjoy proving they have the biggest, toughest dog on the street. You're probably not going to believe this, but I bet Vick loves the dogs that were the biggest and the baddest. Maybe, he identified with them in some way.

This is crazy. Dogfighting is illegal.

I believe Vick had a passion for dogfighting. I know many athletes who share his passion. The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It's like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn't tap out when he knows he can't win.

Oh... lovely. Thanks for putting such an uplifting twist to this violent criminal enterprise that "many athletes" apparently pursue with such passion. Remember, Fort Myers News-Press editor Ed Reed said this is the best column Deion Sanders has ever written.

It reminds me of when I wore a lot of jewelry back in the day because I always wanted to have the biggest chain or the biggest, baddest car. It gives you status.

Next on SportsCenter's Who's Now: Are Mike Vick's 97 pit bull carcasses more "now" than Shaq's rings? Stay tuned!

We're attacking this dogfighting ring the same way a teenager attacks his MySpace page after school (by the way parents, make sure you monitor your kids). We should have the same passion for man that we have for man's best friend.

I know this is Deion Sanders. I keep telling myself that. But... what?! MySpace?

Really, just read the column for a better sense of how Deion sort of rambles, talks about the passion of dogfighting, loses his train of thought, goes back to defending Vick and ends up with THE BEST COLUMN EVER WRITTEN!

The reason this is turning into a three-ring circus is that baseball is boring, basketball is months away, football is around the corner and we in the media don't have a thing interesting to write about.

Maybe if we invent an arena baseball league, with short fences, bat-wielding tacklers and completely nude cheerleaders, we (in the media, of course) won't have to totally freak out when a guy kills a few dogs for sport.

How will this end up? I have no idea. All I know is Falcons fans better pray because Vick's backup is Joey Harrington. Enough said.

And so concludes the best column ever written in the Hall of Fame career of Deion Sanders. Rick Hummel, eat your heart out.