You've probably already heard by now that Deion Sanders wrote a freelance newspaper column about Mike Vick's dogfighting ring. It was sort of controversial in that it came pretty close to defending Vick -- not just like "let's wait and see if he's guilty or not," but more like "look, dogfighting can be very satisfying and exciting" -- and talk radio had a heyday with it. Sanders' "real" boss, NFL Networks, read the column and immediately commanded the paper (the Fort Myers News-Press) to can it -- claiming exclusive rights to Neon's "image and opinions" but probably secretly wishing they could take one without the other.
The sports editor at the News-Press was disappointed he had to "spike" Deion's column -- ha, a pun! -- claiming "it was his best work since he started writing his column in January."
In fact, the editor had tons of great things to say about Deion Sanders, journalist.
No, he’s not the most polished writer. And he hasn’t always been an angel. And he does live in Texas.
I can forgive a columnist for not being a good writer. But living in TEXAS????
What I can say is what he’s been like to deal with since I’ve met him.
He’s easy to talk to. He always has his column in on time. He never cusses, and he cares about his hometown.
Seriously, what do these weird comments have to do with anything? OK, he lives in Texas and I guess that would affect his ability to be a " local" columnist in Fort Myers... but is that really most people's beef with Prime Time writing in the newspaper? Also... he never cusses. When the News-Press let Darryl Strawberry write a guest column for seven weeks, each submission was vulgarity-ridden and scrawled in crayon. But he did care about his hometown.
Anyhoo, on to the column! Before it gets completely removed from the Web, let's look at a couple excerpts. I don't plan on dedicating a ton of media criticism toward Deion Fucking Sanders.
What a dog means to Vick might be a lot different than what he means to you or I. Hold on, don't start shaking your head just yet. Listen to me.
Some people kiss their dogs on the mouth. Some people let their dogs eat from their plate. Some people dress their dogs in suits more expensive than mine, if you can believe that.
Some people choke out their dogs when they lose a fight and bury them in a hole full of other dead dogs.
And some people enjoy proving they have the biggest, toughest dog on the street. You're probably not going to believe this, but I bet Vick loves the dogs that were the biggest and the baddest. Maybe, he identified with them in some way.
This is crazy. Dogfighting is illegal.
I believe Vick had a passion for dogfighting. I know many athletes who share his passion. The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It's like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn't tap out when he knows he can't win.
Oh... lovely. Thanks for putting such an uplifting twist to this violent criminal enterprise that "many athletes" apparently pursue with such passion. Remember, Fort Myers News-Press editor Ed Reed said this is the best column Deion Sanders has ever written.
It reminds me of when I wore a lot of jewelry back in the day because I always wanted to have the biggest chain or the biggest, baddest car. It gives you status.
Next on SportsCenter's Who's Now: Are Mike Vick's 97 pit bull carcasses more "now" than Shaq's rings? Stay tuned!
We're attacking this dogfighting ring the same way a teenager attacks his MySpace page after school (by the way parents, make sure you monitor your kids). We should have the same passion for man that we have for man's best friend.
I know this is Deion Sanders. I keep telling myself that. But... what?! MySpace?
Really, just read the column for a better sense of how Deion sort of rambles, talks about the passion of dogfighting, loses his train of thought, goes back to defending Vick and ends up with THE BEST COLUMN EVER WRITTEN!
The reason this is turning into a three-ring circus is that baseball is boring, basketball is months away, football is around the corner and we in the media don't have a thing interesting to write about.
Maybe if we invent an arena baseball league, with short fences, bat-wielding tacklers and completely nude cheerleaders, we (in the media, of course) won't have to totally freak out when a guy kills a few dogs for sport.
How will this end up? I have no idea. All I know is Falcons fans better pray because Vick's backup is Joey Harrington. Enough said.
And so concludes the best column ever written in the Hall of Fame career of Deion Sanders. Rick Hummel, eat your heart out.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Just when you thought we weren't paying attention
We've been loading up on St. Louis media lately... and can you blame us? It's riveting stuff.
Still, broader horizons beckon. And in an e-mail subject-titled "rather than stltoday," reader Daniel G. opens our eyes to the sunset:
here's a column from today's sun-sentinel, which reaches 650k people in south florida every weekday, and 950k on sundays... tell me that this smear job of misinformation and misdirection isn't actually written in a major american newspaper.
Unfortunately, Daniel, for all of us... it is.
So. This Javier Oberti feller picks apart anorexic Hollywood starlet Michael Moore's latest film, Sicko, and the evil socialist plots Moore has hatched during top-secret lobbying sessions with the leaders of the free world. One snippet:
It is remarkable how Moore has chosen to not identify presidential candidates he supports. Every time Moore spoke about them with Wolf Blitzer during a CNN interview, the host had to identify who he was referring to. Moore wants us to believe they are the saviors who will lead our nation into the fields of dreams and happiness socialism promises, without disclosing how the freedoms of expression, of the market and yes, of the people will be extinguished.
I remember not too long ago down there in Florida (June 20, to be exact) when a U.S. Representative (Jeff Miller, R-Chumuckla) decided to publicly endorse Fred Thompson... before Thompson even entered the presidential race.
The reaction from most people was something like... #$!&@* the heck?
Exactly.
My point is, whomever Michael Moore endorses in an election that falls 16 months from now shouldn't matter all that much. It should matter less when the forum at hand is this man's "Situation Room," which is so poor, and so black, and so notorious for upholding the network's oft-wacky definition of breaking news.
I'm no scholar, and I haven't seen Sicko, but I do appreciate some of Moore's work and I must say: I have never felt I was being led blindfolded into a field of socialist happiness to be suddenly flogged, raped and deprived of my right to a free market. But... maybe I've been implanted with Michael Moore's anal socialism chip.
Anyway, Javier goes on about socialism for a while before he finally gets to the single biggest, dirtiest issue that causes every other big, dirty issue our country faces:
Mexicans.
Our government could begin by stopping millions of illegal aliens from crossing our borders to give birth in our emergency rooms
Millions of illegal aliens are sneaking in and giving birth... in emergency rooms?
and receive truly free health care when they are sick. That would be a great start for the improvement our imperfect yet still medically efficient system needs.
"Medically efficient" reminds me of "magically delicious," for some reason. And I think it's ironic that someone named Javier Oberti is hell-bent on stopping illegal immigration. I mean, not to make any assumptions or cast any aspersions; I don't mean to suggest that anyone with a funny name is a far'ner. But... Javier... seriously.
Fuck the heck?
Still, broader horizons beckon. And in an e-mail subject-titled "rather than stltoday," reader Daniel G. opens our eyes to the sunset:
here's a column from today's sun-sentinel, which reaches 650k people in south florida every weekday, and 950k on sundays... tell me that this smear job of misinformation and misdirection isn't actually written in a major american newspaper.
Unfortunately, Daniel, for all of us... it is.
So. This Javier Oberti feller picks apart anorexic Hollywood starlet Michael Moore's latest film, Sicko, and the evil socialist plots Moore has hatched during top-secret lobbying sessions with the leaders of the free world. One snippet:
It is remarkable how Moore has chosen to not identify presidential candidates he supports. Every time Moore spoke about them with Wolf Blitzer during a CNN interview, the host had to identify who he was referring to. Moore wants us to believe they are the saviors who will lead our nation into the fields of dreams and happiness socialism promises, without disclosing how the freedoms of expression, of the market and yes, of the people will be extinguished.
I remember not too long ago down there in Florida (June 20, to be exact) when a U.S. Representative (Jeff Miller, R-Chumuckla) decided to publicly endorse Fred Thompson... before Thompson even entered the presidential race.
The reaction from most people was something like... #$!&@* the heck?
Exactly.
My point is, whomever Michael Moore endorses in an election that falls 16 months from now shouldn't matter all that much. It should matter less when the forum at hand is this man's "Situation Room," which is so poor, and so black, and so notorious for upholding the network's oft-wacky definition of breaking news.
I'm no scholar, and I haven't seen Sicko, but I do appreciate some of Moore's work and I must say: I have never felt I was being led blindfolded into a field of socialist happiness to be suddenly flogged, raped and deprived of my right to a free market. But... maybe I've been implanted with Michael Moore's anal socialism chip.
Anyway, Javier goes on about socialism for a while before he finally gets to the single biggest, dirtiest issue that causes every other big, dirty issue our country faces:
Mexicans.
Our government could begin by stopping millions of illegal aliens from crossing our borders to give birth in our emergency rooms
Millions of illegal aliens are sneaking in and giving birth... in emergency rooms?
and receive truly free health care when they are sick. That would be a great start for the improvement our imperfect yet still medically efficient system needs.
"Medically efficient" reminds me of "magically delicious," for some reason. And I think it's ironic that someone named Javier Oberti is hell-bent on stopping illegal immigration. I mean, not to make any assumptions or cast any aspersions; I don't mean to suggest that anyone with a funny name is a far'ner. But... Javier... seriously.
Fuck the heck?
Monday, July 23, 2007
A happy day in the news
A quick look at the headlines on the front page of STLtoday.com:
Fire damages old Collinsville high school
Rally's clerk in surgery after shooting
Ill. cops stop minority drivers more often
Granite City woman killed in crash
Line drive kills minor league coach
3 car bombs kill 12, injure 19 in Iraq
Astronauts toss space station's junk
Taliban threatens to kill 23
Last king of Afghanistan dies at 92
Tiny body parts found in India
Everyone, have a great week!
Fire damages old Collinsville high school
Rally's clerk in surgery after shooting
Ill. cops stop minority drivers more often
Granite City woman killed in crash
Line drive kills minor league coach
3 car bombs kill 12, injure 19 in Iraq
Astronauts toss space station's junk
Taliban threatens to kill 23
Last king of Afghanistan dies at 92
Tiny body parts found in India
Everyone, have a great week!
That's what she said?
Sometimes, I think journalists do this on purpose:
Astronauts tossing station's space junk
A wad of the station's "debris" will land on the face of the North American continent at 2100 hours. Close your eyes!
Astronauts tossing station's space junk
A wad of the station's "debris" will land on the face of the North American continent at 2100 hours. Close your eyes!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Hey there, old man. I've seen your daughter naked!
Charles Mosley, who writes columns for the West County Journal, has been on my radar for a while. This week's column finally put him over the edge. Apparently, Charles is protective of his daughters. So yeah, this column is full of original thought!
My firstborn daughter is beautiful, but you don't care about that.
Let me interrupt - how old is your firstborn daughter?
My second-born daughter is beautiful, too, but you don't care about her, either.
Wait, wait. Question: How old is your second-born daughter? Also, she doesn't look like you...right?
The reason you don't care is they are not your daughters.
No, that's precisely why I do care, you silly old man.
Ah, but you would care very much if you were a young lad vying for their affections. This is the situation we're dealing with at the Mosley Estate in Manchester.
Shit, how old are they? They live with you? Or are they home visiting from the Peace Corps or something? Fill me in, dude!
Emily the Younger still thinks boys are creeps, a position I share wholeheartedly.
Shit. Wait, she's the younger one? How much older is the older one, _______ the elder?
But Katy the Elder looks upon boys more favorably. And likewise, they seem to hold her in high regard.
Seriously, "the Elder?" You're talking about your daughters here, not Holy Roman princesses.
Kate no longer looks like a little girl. She is evolving into a very pretty young lady.
We get it. Your daughter is pretty. And she's evolving.
This is not good.
So you want her to look like you.
She has captured the attention of several young fellows, and she seems to like one of them.
At least she doesn't like some creepy older guy who oogles teenage girls.
This is not good, either. In fact, it's bad.
Do you want us to help you? We here at the Daily Grego love community service. Not like, you know. How old did you say she is again?
I know what teenage boys think about every 3.5 seconds. When they become middle-aged men, they only think about it every 5.3 seconds.
Tilling the garden with your daughter, Katy the Elder?
So excuse the heck out of me if I have trouble warming up to some whippersnapper who thinks my daughter is a babe.
When I was a teenager, I knew people who had their significant others over to watch movies with the family. It was a good old time, with everyone handing around a napkin for their microwave popcorn fingers, packed onto a single couch like a can of sardines. Then, the parents would leave for the weekend, and the kid and his/her SO would have sex in the master bedroom - the parents' bed. That's what happens when you "warm up." You think they like you, but as soon as you turn your back, bam! So, don't bother. You're cool, Charles. You're cool.
This is my Katy, my kid, the one I drove to and from preschool; the one I stood next to at the bus stop each day when she attended elementary school; the one who became my pint-sized fishing buddy.
Yeah yeah. Now, how long ago was this?
I decided to formally introduce myself to the chap who is interested in Kate. You know, try to get to know him a little bit. I informed Kate of my plans.
I don't get this - a formal introduction? Did you rent a tux or something?
"Dad, please don't," she said. "You'll embarrass me."
"Seriously, dad. You want Dylan to wear a matching tux?"
Embarrass her? I would challenge anyone to cite an example of when I've been an embarrassment.
Mosley, Charles. "Journalistic Reflections: Hey there, kid. I'm Katy's dad." West County Journal, 17 July 2007, A5.
Well, there WAS that unfortunate incident at a cantina in Matamoros. And yes, it's true one should never shoot bottle-rockets at night at the Missouri Governor's Mansion.
Or that time you decided to start writing articles for the West County Journal.
Anyway, I told Kate a formal introduction is considered polite. Proper etiquette demands it. I had no intention of embarrassing her in front of her young friend. She eyed me suspiciously and asked what I intended to say. So, I told her:
My money is on Charles saying something humorous, and somewhat threatening.
"Hello, young man. I'm Charles Mosley. I'm Katy's dad. Be nice to my daughter or I'll break your legs."
I was right about "somewhat threatening," but I didn't expect Charles Mosley to include his e-mail address in his introduction. That alone would be enough to scare the kid off.
She looked horrified. I don't know why. My friend Mike thought it was a fine idea. Mike even offered a helpful suggestion.
I'm calling it - Mike's going to say something about a blunt object.
"When you're telling him this, hold a wrench in your right hand and tap it a few times into the palm of your left hand," Mike said.
Hahahahaha, Charles Mosley's friend Mike is off da hook!
I haven't told Kate about Mike's suggestion, because she's out of town with her mom and sister. I'm home alone and bored.
You have so much time on your hands - an empty house - and this is the best you could come up with?
I think I'll take a little drive. It might be an opportune time to formally introduce myself to a young man.
NEXT, ON TO CATCH A PREDATOR.
Now, where in the heck did I put that wrench?
Ladies and gentlemen, Charles "I'm gonna put a whoopin' on that boy" Mosley.
My firstborn daughter is beautiful, but you don't care about that.
Let me interrupt - how old is your firstborn daughter?
My second-born daughter is beautiful, too, but you don't care about her, either.
Wait, wait. Question: How old is your second-born daughter? Also, she doesn't look like you...right?
The reason you don't care is they are not your daughters.
No, that's precisely why I do care, you silly old man.
Ah, but you would care very much if you were a young lad vying for their affections. This is the situation we're dealing with at the Mosley Estate in Manchester.
Shit, how old are they? They live with you? Or are they home visiting from the Peace Corps or something? Fill me in, dude!
Emily the Younger still thinks boys are creeps, a position I share wholeheartedly.
Shit. Wait, she's the younger one? How much older is the older one, _______ the elder?
But Katy the Elder looks upon boys more favorably. And likewise, they seem to hold her in high regard.
Seriously, "the Elder?" You're talking about your daughters here, not Holy Roman princesses.
Kate no longer looks like a little girl. She is evolving into a very pretty young lady.
We get it. Your daughter is pretty. And she's evolving.
This is not good.
So you want her to look like you.
She has captured the attention of several young fellows, and she seems to like one of them.
At least she doesn't like some creepy older guy who oogles teenage girls.
This is not good, either. In fact, it's bad.
Do you want us to help you? We here at the Daily Grego love community service. Not like, you know. How old did you say she is again?
I know what teenage boys think about every 3.5 seconds. When they become middle-aged men, they only think about it every 5.3 seconds.
Tilling the garden with your daughter, Katy the Elder?
So excuse the heck out of me if I have trouble warming up to some whippersnapper who thinks my daughter is a babe.
When I was a teenager, I knew people who had their significant others over to watch movies with the family. It was a good old time, with everyone handing around a napkin for their microwave popcorn fingers, packed onto a single couch like a can of sardines. Then, the parents would leave for the weekend, and the kid and his/her SO would have sex in the master bedroom - the parents' bed. That's what happens when you "warm up." You think they like you, but as soon as you turn your back, bam! So, don't bother. You're cool, Charles. You're cool.
This is my Katy, my kid, the one I drove to and from preschool; the one I stood next to at the bus stop each day when she attended elementary school; the one who became my pint-sized fishing buddy.
Yeah yeah. Now, how long ago was this?
I decided to formally introduce myself to the chap who is interested in Kate. You know, try to get to know him a little bit. I informed Kate of my plans.
I don't get this - a formal introduction? Did you rent a tux or something?
"Dad, please don't," she said. "You'll embarrass me."
"Seriously, dad. You want Dylan to wear a matching tux?"
Embarrass her? I would challenge anyone to cite an example of when I've been an embarrassment.
Mosley, Charles. "Journalistic Reflections: Hey there, kid. I'm Katy's dad." West County Journal, 17 July 2007, A5.
Well, there WAS that unfortunate incident at a cantina in Matamoros. And yes, it's true one should never shoot bottle-rockets at night at the Missouri Governor's Mansion.
Or that time you decided to start writing articles for the West County Journal.
Anyway, I told Kate a formal introduction is considered polite. Proper etiquette demands it. I had no intention of embarrassing her in front of her young friend. She eyed me suspiciously and asked what I intended to say. So, I told her:
My money is on Charles saying something humorous, and somewhat threatening.
"Hello, young man. I'm Charles Mosley. I'm Katy's dad. Be nice to my daughter or I'll break your legs."
I was right about "somewhat threatening," but I didn't expect Charles Mosley to include his e-mail address in his introduction. That alone would be enough to scare the kid off.
She looked horrified. I don't know why. My friend Mike thought it was a fine idea. Mike even offered a helpful suggestion.
I'm calling it - Mike's going to say something about a blunt object.
"When you're telling him this, hold a wrench in your right hand and tap it a few times into the palm of your left hand," Mike said.
Hahahahaha, Charles Mosley's friend Mike is off da hook!
I haven't told Kate about Mike's suggestion, because she's out of town with her mom and sister. I'm home alone and bored.
You have so much time on your hands - an empty house - and this is the best you could come up with?
I think I'll take a little drive. It might be an opportune time to formally introduce myself to a young man.
NEXT, ON TO CATCH A PREDATOR.
Now, where in the heck did I put that wrench?
Ladies and gentlemen, Charles "I'm gonna put a whoopin' on that boy" Mosley.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
This guy could be boinking Anne T. Garcia
Noticeably absent from the DG the past couple weeks is the lovable Anne T. Garcia. She's probably laying on a North Carolinian beach, sipping on a goat blood cocktail, wearing a swim skirt. Mmm. Boner. Anyway, Joe Leicht is picking up the slack over at the Monroe County Clarion. This week, Joseph writes about Live Earth.
In case you missed it, there was a multi-continent, multi-media bash of Hollywood's finest the weekend of July 7.
I saw some of it! The Beastie Boys performed. They are synonymous with Hollywood. Or Brooklyn. Same thing!
Madonna was there. Bon Jovi was there. Newly bald Phil Collins-why the heck didn't he shave off that straggly comb-over years ago?-was there.
Bon Jovi is from New Jersey. Phil Collins is British. The Hollywood elite.
Even some of the music industry's temperamental groups who too often shatter our very existence by announcing a break up-in this case, the Black-eyed Peas and The Police-deemed this shindig important enough to reunite for.
I don't think the Black Eyed Peas ever broke up. Did they? And the police are embarking on a huge world tour. I think they reunited to do this. Not necessarily for Live Earth.
And of course, the Alec Baldwin/Rosie O'Donnell/George Clooney/Angelina Jolie troup of perpetually outraged actors dropped in to grace the proceedings.
"Troup"....?????
They gathered in New Jersey, Rio De Janeiro, London, Tokyo and a few other glitzy venues for a simultaneous eruption of music and moralism called Live Earth.
I've never been to New Jersey, but sources tell me it's not what you'd call "glitzy."
"THE GLITZ. THE GLAMMA. JERSEY!"
Live Earth was also in glitzy China. Here's their Hollywood-ridden set list:
Evonne Hsu
Anthony Wong
Soler
Huang Xiao Ming
12 Girls Band
Joey Yung
You get the point. They aren't Hollywood, but they're so fucking Shanghai.
Live Earth's purpose was to pump awareness of the "danger of global warming." It was coordinated through Save Our Selves, a not-for-profit environmentalist group headed by Al Gore.
Ah yes, the "danger" of "global warming." When I was little, I went hunting with my grandpa. He showed me the "danger" of "shooting myself in the head." Joseph, I'd say Live Earth did a pretty good job of raising awareness. It got your attention, right?
(You remember Al. He was number-two man in a White House that boasted of peace and prosperity, but still couldn't defeat stumblin', bumblin' George W. Bush seven Novembers ago. At least he did win the popular vote, just ask him.)
Yeah, that boastful Clinton Administration. They hung banners all over the White House - "Peace and Prosperity Accomplished!" - while dressed up like Gandhi.
SOS's stated goal is to provide "a continuous call to action to prompt individuals, corporations and governments around the world to "Answer the Call (regarding global climate changes) with immediate and sustained action."
Douche bags.
I recall a few decades ago, Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street fame crooned "it's not easy being green." Not to offend Muppet fans, but I must dissent.
You're offending me, but not because I'm a Muppet fan.
It is very easy being green, if that means having a soft heart (head?) and strident voice on the issue of global warming.
Those things are probably the least you could do. It doesn't make you...green? I don't know. Why aren't you "green?" Is it because you're an asshole who thinks global warming is made up?
Please note. I don't dismiss the merit in sparing the environment from unnecessary, manmade abuse whenever practical or observing good stewardship of the land and its waters.
It's "man-made." You're such a good guy, though. Everyone I know tries to hurt the environment - get this - on purpose.
Rather, I illuminate the pseudo-morality of the Green Left.
Oh my god, the spotlight is shining on the Green Left! Look at them! Like a deer in headlights! Trying to hide their marijuana and oh my god, look! They're all having butt sex and hating the military! And killing babies!
The human condition is such that we all need to recognize something as evil and to militate against it. Hollywood once did a fine job serving as American culture's moral compass. Catch a sitcom or drama from the first 20 years of network television or an old Frank Capra film on cable and you'll see what I mean.
Ah yes, the moral compass of the 1950s, when racial segregation was legal. Those were the good old days. I'd love to see TV couples sleeping in separate twin sized beds. That's where our moral compass should be. No fucking. Never mind that people had just as much premarital sex in the 50s as they do today. Anyway, Joseph, you're a lazy idiot if you think it's Hollywood's job to serve as America's moral compass. Isn't that what parents are for?
The entertainment industry always pointed its moral compass needle directly at us. Movies, TV shows and songs asked us if we were honest in our business dealings, faithful to our spouses, kind to the down-and-out and respectful to God Almighty.
That makes for some riveting entertainment. Have you heard of that new show, "Hoppity Skippity Dooodly Bop?" Little kids run around, being nice to one another. Their parents go to work everyday. They never run into any problems. They never make mistakes. They go to church on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Just like how America was during the first 20 years of network television! Ohhhh 1950-1969. How I long for thee.
Post-1980 Hollywood strokes our wrists for our individual moral failures while waggling a disapproving finger at social classes, industries and institutions.
I cheated on my girlfriend once - an individual moral failure - and Jessica Biel stroked my wrist for it. It was fucking awesome.
Here's an idea: Hollywood doesn't care about individual moral failures. That's the business of, you know, the individual. When industries are pumping greenhouse gases into the environment, hurting everyone, celebrities speak up because people listen to them. It raises, you know, awareness. It's not perfect, but fuck, it could be worse, right?
Simply put, it's easy for Lenny Kravitz et al to point to corporate America-a profiteering oligarchy though it may be-and say "The polar ice caps are melting, and you are to blame for it!" while ignoring if not encouraging the profligate lifestyles that are also weighing the scales against our future.
When the world ends, the only dude we'll have to blame is Lenny Kravitz. Let's do a sports analogy. Saying "Lenny Kravitz et al" when referring to the celebrity world is like saying "Dickey Simpkins and Co." when referring to the 90s Bulls. I mean, is Lenny Kravitz really even famous?
And, according to Joseph, little individual moral thingies (like a woman wearing a short skirt) is worse for humanity than global warming.
But honestly. Who really believes Madonna will buy toilet paper that may be a bit rougher on her tushie than the leading brand to forestall global warming? Or Sting will screw in environmentally friendly light bulbs at his multi-million dollar pad to keep the polar bears chilled and content? Please.
Does anyone think this guy is missing the point, just a little? And who says "tushie?" Say it, dude. Madonna's asshole. Yes!
Granted, we are more likely to see Shakira pedaling her bike to work or the Pussycat Dolls picking up hamburger wrappers on a McDonald's parking lot than we are to see them participating in a global performance series to raise awareness of abstinence education or endangered Second Amendment rights.
I do think we should raise awareness of abstinence education - you know, that it doesn't work. Though, I do believe Joseph has tapped into a great idea - we should use our rifles and shotguns to shoot at the CO2 molecules in the atmosphere. That'll show 'em.
In case you missed it, there was a multi-continent, multi-media bash of Hollywood's finest the weekend of July 7.
I saw some of it! The Beastie Boys performed. They are synonymous with Hollywood. Or Brooklyn. Same thing!
Madonna was there. Bon Jovi was there. Newly bald Phil Collins-why the heck didn't he shave off that straggly comb-over years ago?-was there.
Bon Jovi is from New Jersey. Phil Collins is British. The Hollywood elite.
Even some of the music industry's temperamental groups who too often shatter our very existence by announcing a break up-in this case, the Black-eyed Peas and The Police-deemed this shindig important enough to reunite for.
I don't think the Black Eyed Peas ever broke up. Did they? And the police are embarking on a huge world tour. I think they reunited to do this. Not necessarily for Live Earth.
And of course, the Alec Baldwin/Rosie O'Donnell/George Clooney/Angelina Jolie troup of perpetually outraged actors dropped in to grace the proceedings.
"Troup"....?????
They gathered in New Jersey, Rio De Janeiro, London, Tokyo and a few other glitzy venues for a simultaneous eruption of music and moralism called Live Earth.
I've never been to New Jersey, but sources tell me it's not what you'd call "glitzy."
"THE GLITZ. THE GLAMMA. JERSEY!"
Live Earth was also in glitzy China. Here's their Hollywood-ridden set list:
Evonne Hsu
Anthony Wong
Soler
Huang Xiao Ming
12 Girls Band
Joey Yung
You get the point. They aren't Hollywood, but they're so fucking Shanghai.
Live Earth's purpose was to pump awareness of the "danger of global warming." It was coordinated through Save Our Selves, a not-for-profit environmentalist group headed by Al Gore.
Ah yes, the "danger" of "global warming." When I was little, I went hunting with my grandpa. He showed me the "danger" of "shooting myself in the head." Joseph, I'd say Live Earth did a pretty good job of raising awareness. It got your attention, right?
(You remember Al. He was number-two man in a White House that boasted of peace and prosperity, but still couldn't defeat stumblin', bumblin' George W. Bush seven Novembers ago. At least he did win the popular vote, just ask him.)
Yeah, that boastful Clinton Administration. They hung banners all over the White House - "Peace and Prosperity Accomplished!" - while dressed up like Gandhi.
SOS's stated goal is to provide "a continuous call to action to prompt individuals, corporations and governments around the world to "Answer the Call (regarding global climate changes) with immediate and sustained action."
Douche bags.
I recall a few decades ago, Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street fame crooned "it's not easy being green." Not to offend Muppet fans, but I must dissent.
You're offending me, but not because I'm a Muppet fan.
It is very easy being green, if that means having a soft heart (head?) and strident voice on the issue of global warming.
Those things are probably the least you could do. It doesn't make you...green? I don't know. Why aren't you "green?" Is it because you're an asshole who thinks global warming is made up?
Please note. I don't dismiss the merit in sparing the environment from unnecessary, manmade abuse whenever practical or observing good stewardship of the land and its waters.
It's "man-made." You're such a good guy, though. Everyone I know tries to hurt the environment - get this - on purpose.
Rather, I illuminate the pseudo-morality of the Green Left.
Oh my god, the spotlight is shining on the Green Left! Look at them! Like a deer in headlights! Trying to hide their marijuana and oh my god, look! They're all having butt sex and hating the military! And killing babies!
The human condition is such that we all need to recognize something as evil and to militate against it. Hollywood once did a fine job serving as American culture's moral compass. Catch a sitcom or drama from the first 20 years of network television or an old Frank Capra film on cable and you'll see what I mean.
Ah yes, the moral compass of the 1950s, when racial segregation was legal. Those were the good old days. I'd love to see TV couples sleeping in separate twin sized beds. That's where our moral compass should be. No fucking. Never mind that people had just as much premarital sex in the 50s as they do today. Anyway, Joseph, you're a lazy idiot if you think it's Hollywood's job to serve as America's moral compass. Isn't that what parents are for?
The entertainment industry always pointed its moral compass needle directly at us. Movies, TV shows and songs asked us if we were honest in our business dealings, faithful to our spouses, kind to the down-and-out and respectful to God Almighty.
That makes for some riveting entertainment. Have you heard of that new show, "Hoppity Skippity Dooodly Bop?" Little kids run around, being nice to one another. Their parents go to work everyday. They never run into any problems. They never make mistakes. They go to church on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Just like how America was during the first 20 years of network television! Ohhhh 1950-1969. How I long for thee.
Post-1980 Hollywood strokes our wrists for our individual moral failures while waggling a disapproving finger at social classes, industries and institutions.
I cheated on my girlfriend once - an individual moral failure - and Jessica Biel stroked my wrist for it. It was fucking awesome.
Here's an idea: Hollywood doesn't care about individual moral failures. That's the business of, you know, the individual. When industries are pumping greenhouse gases into the environment, hurting everyone, celebrities speak up because people listen to them. It raises, you know, awareness. It's not perfect, but fuck, it could be worse, right?
Simply put, it's easy for Lenny Kravitz et al to point to corporate America-a profiteering oligarchy though it may be-and say "The polar ice caps are melting, and you are to blame for it!" while ignoring if not encouraging the profligate lifestyles that are also weighing the scales against our future.
When the world ends, the only dude we'll have to blame is Lenny Kravitz. Let's do a sports analogy. Saying "Lenny Kravitz et al" when referring to the celebrity world is like saying "Dickey Simpkins and Co." when referring to the 90s Bulls. I mean, is Lenny Kravitz really even famous?
And, according to Joseph, little individual moral thingies (like a woman wearing a short skirt) is worse for humanity than global warming.
But honestly. Who really believes Madonna will buy toilet paper that may be a bit rougher on her tushie than the leading brand to forestall global warming? Or Sting will screw in environmentally friendly light bulbs at his multi-million dollar pad to keep the polar bears chilled and content? Please.
Does anyone think this guy is missing the point, just a little? And who says "tushie?" Say it, dude. Madonna's asshole. Yes!
Granted, we are more likely to see Shakira pedaling her bike to work or the Pussycat Dolls picking up hamburger wrappers on a McDonald's parking lot than we are to see them participating in a global performance series to raise awareness of abstinence education or endangered Second Amendment rights.
I do think we should raise awareness of abstinence education - you know, that it doesn't work. Though, I do believe Joseph has tapped into a great idea - we should use our rifles and shotguns to shoot at the CO2 molecules in the atmosphere. That'll show 'em.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Eric Karros assumes, leads to poor assumption
The Cardinals are on national TV today! 1992 NL Rookie of the Year Eric Karros is the color man for this afternoon's game. When Cardinals short person and perennial grit grinder Aaron Miles came to the plate in the second, Karros provided this analysis:
"Miles is a guy who's going to give you a good at-bat. Lots of singles, walks."
Uh, Eric....walks?
Aaron Miles career PA = 1634
Aaron Miles career BB = 89
He walks 5.4% of the time. That's in Jeff Francoeur's territory, whom I've dubbed "the Greek God of golly, I'm swinging at that pitch!"
Oh, and earlier I think Karros said that Pat Burrell is too patient. Too fucking patient. Right now, Burrell's patience is like, the only thing he has going for him.
A quick check shows that Eric Karros walked roughly 7.7% of the time. That's also not very good.
"Miles is a guy who's going to give you a good at-bat. Lots of singles, walks."
Uh, Eric....walks?
Aaron Miles career PA = 1634
Aaron Miles career BB = 89
He walks 5.4% of the time. That's in Jeff Francoeur's territory, whom I've dubbed "the Greek God of golly, I'm swinging at that pitch!"
Oh, and earlier I think Karros said that Pat Burrell is too patient. Too fucking patient. Right now, Burrell's patience is like, the only thing he has going for him.
A quick check shows that Eric Karros walked roughly 7.7% of the time. That's also not very good.
Friday, July 13, 2007
That grand slam sucked. It killed our rally.
I think I've reamed Cardinals announcer Al Hrabosky for this before, but anyway...
...a minute ago, with the Phillies leading 13-2 in the top of the ninth, Scott Spiezio came to bat with the bases loaded. Al Hrabosky had this to say:
"A grand slam here would be a rally killer."
Spiezio agreed, and took a walk. The Cardinals lost, 13-3.
...a minute ago, with the Phillies leading 13-2 in the top of the ninth, Scott Spiezio came to bat with the bases loaded. Al Hrabosky had this to say:
"A grand slam here would be a rally killer."
Spiezio agreed, and took a walk. The Cardinals lost, 13-3.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Tim McCarver says weird things
Tonight's MLB All-Star game was frustrating for Cardinals fans. The National League team lost, and our own Lord Albert Pujols was kept on the bench by his own manager.
I kept my TV muted most of the way through, and then I sat on my remote and voila, I got to hear Tim McCarver say this about Phillies outfielder Aaron Rowand:
"He broke a nose while making a great running catch last season in a game against the Mets."
"A" nose. Fortunately, it was not Rowand's throwing nose, and he was able to avoid having season-ending surgery.
I kept my TV muted most of the way through, and then I sat on my remote and voila, I got to hear Tim McCarver say this about Phillies outfielder Aaron Rowand:
"He broke a nose while making a great running catch last season in a game against the Mets."
"A" nose. Fortunately, it was not Rowand's throwing nose, and he was able to avoid having season-ending surgery.
Friday, July 6, 2007
What's going on? What's happening?
Every once in a possum's year, someone bests us in the journalism-commentary department. I know, I know. It's hard to fathom. But it's true.
See this piece in America's Finest News Source and tell me the fictional "Jerry Schoepke" isn't modeled exclusively after one Gregonomous P. Orear. Yeah, it's an older clip, but it's every bit as true now as it was back in April 2002, the same year the KDE first appeared online.
"What's Going On" was Grego's favorite, too, until a small team of bloggers started pestering him about "mistakes" and "inaccuracies" by posting comments on his Web site, most of which he deleted and kept secret. Jerry Schoepke is one of the lucky ones.
"The Gazette needs to keep pushing the envelope to remain relevant in today's media environment," Schoepke said. "So far, I think we're doing a pretty good job. You'd be surprised how often someone says to me, 'Hey, Jerry, I saw that article you wrote in the paper.' It's at least a few times a year. That's a good feeling."
No, this is a good feeling. For the first time in the DG's long, illustrious life, we don't feel so... alone.
:)
See this piece in America's Finest News Source and tell me the fictional "Jerry Schoepke" isn't modeled exclusively after one Gregonomous P. Orear. Yeah, it's an older clip, but it's every bit as true now as it was back in April 2002, the same year the KDE first appeared online.
On top of his weekly reporting duties, Schoepke writes a monthly column titled "What's Happening?" in which he comments on everything from local goings-on to national trends. Schoepke said the column is his favorite part of the job.
"What's Happening? is the part of the paper where I can get a little crazy," Schoepke said. "It gives me a chance to get anything and everything off my chest."
It's uncanny!"What's Going On" was Grego's favorite, too, until a small team of bloggers started pestering him about "mistakes" and "inaccuracies" by posting comments on his Web site, most of which he deleted and kept secret. Jerry Schoepke is one of the lucky ones.
"The Gazette needs to keep pushing the envelope to remain relevant in today's media environment," Schoepke said. "So far, I think we're doing a pretty good job. You'd be surprised how often someone says to me, 'Hey, Jerry, I saw that article you wrote in the paper.' It's at least a few times a year. That's a good feeling."
No, this is a good feeling. For the first time in the DG's long, illustrious life, we don't feel so... alone.
:)
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Don't cry for me, Kirby Puckett
ESPN.com has message boards. Sometimes, I browse through them to remind myself of how damned intelligent I am compared to the average sports fan. Yesterday, while sipping on a delicious wheat beer, I stumbled across this thread.
Here's the premise - a dude starts a topic, saying that if Jim Edmonds isn't worthy of being in the Hall of Fame, then neither is Kirby Puckett. Basically, Edmonds is better than Puckett. This is true. He was better. Edmonds is like, the most underrated player of the past decade or more. Puckett was excellent, but Edmonds was better. Have I said that enough? Let's review:
Jim Edmonds > Kirby Puckett
The idiots over at ESPN.com disagree. Let's see their arguments.
DaBizzle says:
Jim has also walked 898 times in his career, compared to Puckett's 450...meaning that Jim had more productive plate appearances. Not probably. But definitely. Strikeouts, by the way, are outs...and usually a good indicator of isolated power. But since you look foolish striking out, it's held against players who do it a lot (even if they're still really fucking awesome).
Here's the premise - a dude starts a topic, saying that if Jim Edmonds isn't worthy of being in the Hall of Fame, then neither is Kirby Puckett. Basically, Edmonds is better than Puckett. This is true. He was better. Edmonds is like, the most underrated player of the past decade or more. Puckett was excellent, but Edmonds was better. Have I said that enough? Let's review:
Jim Edmonds > Kirby Puckett
The idiots over at ESPN.com disagree. Let's see their arguments.
DaBizzle says:
Big Deal Edmonds had 2 Good seasons in one of the biggest offensive eras in the history of baseball
2 good seasons? Horse shit. Jimmy's OPS+ from 2000-2005 (which takes into account how "big" the offensive eras are):
148, 150, 163, 161, 172, 136
Wow. That looks like...5 great seasons, and one very, very good season. DaBizzle has be debunked.
sayheykid_1 says: Again, Kirby played in a different offensive era, Edmonds put up theose numbers after he turned 30 and after MLB had the offensive explosion.
That's why we have statistics to account for differences in offensive eras. Jim Edmonds is a better hitter, no matter what.
julferts69 says: With all those HR's Edmond hit, you would think he would have more than 7 career RBI in 3 more seasons than Kirby.
Kirby Puckett had 7244 at-bats in his career. Edmonds has 6100 so far. So, shouldn't Puckett have more RsBI, given that he's had over 1100 more opportunities to drive in runs? It's not a good state to judge individual players, anyway. But still.
gunnarthor says: He more often finished in the top 10 of MVP voting then not. He made 10 all star teams and retired with more gold gloves and silver sluggers then any other outfielder (and since passed by Griffey and Bonds).
This is why judging players by "Top 10 MVP finishes," Gold Gloves, and Silver Sluggers is stupid - doing so by the latter two would tell you that Kirby Puckett was better than Ken Griffey Jr. and Barry Bonds (absurd!). And, in this case, Jimmy Edmonds.
DaBizzle says:
And we come back to the era in which Edmonds plays.... Kirby was consistently one of the best hitters in the league during his career. I've never heard that about Edmonds, and you can only make an argument really in 2 of his years
OR LIKE 5 OF HIS YEARS, WHERE HE WAS FUCKING AWESOME. HISTORICALLY AWESOME. AND GOD DAMNIT, THERE ARE STATISTICS TO COMPARE PLAYERS FROM DIFFERENT ERAS. EDMONDS IS STILL BETTER.
Phew. Kirby Puckett only had 2 years in which his OPS+ exceeded 140. Jim Edmonds had 5 of these, and in 3 of them, his OPS+ was over 160.
El dood says: If you were to poll the GMs -- from both Puckett's era and today -- the vast majority of them would take Puck as their CF'er over Jimmy.
A recent poll of general managers asked "If you had to choose one player to start a franchise with, who would it be? "
One GM selected Yadier Molina. Another, 8932 year old Takashi Saito. This is not a good litmus test.
Jim has also walked 898 times in his career, compared to Puckett's 450...meaning that Jim had more productive plate appearances. Not probably. But definitely. Strikeouts, by the way, are outs...and usually a good indicator of isolated power. But since you look foolish striking out, it's held against players who do it a lot (even if they're still really fucking awesome).
ABs for the two are nearly identical with Kirby doing it in 3 less seasons
This is not true. 7300 and 6100 are not "nearly identical."
.156 in the WS for Edmonds is pretty lame...
In 32 at-bats. Given the small sample size, this is meaningless.
And oh my god, it gets really good here:
ThatsTheDagger says:
I'll end this argument with one name.
Sandy Koufax.
I just spit my delicious wheat beer all over my screen! Anyway, I predict this will make your side's argument weaker.
Koufax dominated his era for 6 years. Kirby Puckett, along with Junior, were basically considered the two best outfielders in the game for a stretch of 5 or 6 years, and Puckett was at or near the top for 10 of his 12 years. Dominating for a medium length is more important than being above average for a long period of time.
"Dominating for a medium length is more important than being above average for a long period of time." ?????????????????
That's exactly what Jim Edmonds did! He actually dominated. More than Kirby Puckett. With the bat, and in the field (check out their FRAA numbers). Wait, what the hell did that have to do with Sandy Koufax?
I would say that not even Edmonds would put himself in Puckett's class, but Jimmy Boy has the reputation as a jerk and the kind of guy that loves himself a little too much.
Jim Edmonds has the reputation of a really awesome baseball player who is really helpful to the younger guys in the clubhouse. You know, like a "veteran mentor." Not that it matters nearly as much as you think it should.
I'm not going to argue that Koufax in his prime was more dominating that Puckett in his, but in reality... they aren't that far apart.
You're a fucking stupid human being.
And then, someone suggests that "ThatsTheDagger" should read up on EqA, WARP, FRAR, FRAA, and so on (since Jim has better numbers for each), and the dude says this:
EqA is derived from Raw EqA, which is (H + TB + 1.5*(BB + HBP + SB) + SH + SF) divided by (AB + BB + HBP + SH + SF + CS + SB). REqA is then normalized to account for league difficulty and scale to create EqA.
Are you kidding me?? There is no way to know if that formula would rank players accurately. The more complicated the inputs of any function get, the more error and dillution there will be in the outputs. These stats try to get way too complex to answer questions that are obvious to the human eye.
Ah yes, the human eye. I remember when I was a little kid, Mark Whiten hit 4 home runs in a game for the Cardinals. My human eye would tell me that Mark Whiten was the best player in the history of the game. Actually, he kind of sucked. Statistics back me up on this.
Kirby Puckett was a better player than Jim Edmonds. Edmonds had his moments where he was a very good hitter, Puckett was a great hitter his entire career.
By "moments," I'm sure you mean "5 year stretches where he was one of the best centerfielders of all time. Much better than the very good Kirby Puckett."
Kirby's stats are not diminished by seasons of batting .250 or striking out as much as 167 times, his numbers are lifted by his amazing consistency and absolutely clutch World Series moments.
The year Jim Edmonds struck out 167 times, he had an OBP of .411 and an OPS+ of 148. Kirby only topped the latter once, and never came within 30 points of the former. Jim hit .250 in 1999, when he was so injured that he could only play in 55 games. This doesn't really hurt his career marks.
Let's brainstorm some players who have had "absolutely clutch World Series moments" and see if we want them in the HOF:
Joe Carter - no
Tino Martinez - no
Luis Gonzalez - no
Willie McGee - no
Jim Leyritz - no
See?
Here's some more from other posters:
when you think of great baseball players in the 90's, kirby puckett is probably one of the top 5 names that first comes out of your mouth.
Not exactly true, but still, this makes him better than Edmonds? Ah, the "quick, name 5 dudes off the top of your head" litmus test rating. Puckett rings in with a 44.9, and Jim's is a paltry 31.7. I see now.
Back to "ThatsTheDagger."
Albert Belle gets thrown into this discussion, because he, like Puckett, had his career cut short by injury. Here's what our boy Dagger has to say:
Puckett and Belle are different in one glaring area. Even if Puckett wasn't the greatest guy off the field, when he was at the park, playing the game, or doing anything associated with baseball, he did it with class and just exuberated joy. He was player and fan friendly and was a straight up winner. Belle was an a-hole off the field and made no effort to change that perception on the field.
I kind of liked Belle. He was a great player and fun to watch. I don't care if he's an asshole. That's Fernando Vina's problem. Still, are you saying this has anything to do with Hall worthiness?
Puckett's personal problems are just that, personal. If Albert Belle had a stroke today and was dying in the hospital, do you think players from all over the country would fly to his hospital to visit him. Doubt it. Do you think kids and young adults across the country (including myself) would get choked up hearing that he died and watching some of the memorial videos and tributes? Doubt it. Do you think the Indians would host a memorial service that attracted 40,000 fans in person? Doubt it.
This is the stupidest thing anyone has ever said, and really insulting to the family of Albert Belle - who by the way had a 192 OPS+ in 1994 with a .714 SLG% (!!!). That offsets any "chemistry issues" caused by Belle being any sort of a prick.
Edmonds is a lot closer to Belle than Puckett in this regard. Kirby had that affect on the game, to say that it did not play into his Hall of Fame induction is obviously wrong. But to say that those things should not have an affect of his induction is just idiotic.
Jim's career SIICOD (Sadness induced in case of death) rating: 65.4
Kirby's: 127.3 (third all time! whoa!)
Albert Belle's: 18.2 (gah!)
And that's it. The debate came to a screeching halt at this point, probably because everyone is taking some time to mourn the death of....wait, no. Uncontrollable laughter.
(By the way, remember that this is the impact that bad journalists and other bad deliverers of information have on the world. The Gregos, Joe Morgans, Bill Plaschkes, Anne Garcias, etc. They're making lots of people stupid.)
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Tony La Russa must still be drinking...
...because Freddy Sanchez made the NL All-Star team as a reserve. This is like, the stupidest thing ever. Compare Sanchez to Edgar Renteria or Hanley Ramirez. They were snubbed, no?
Don't get me started on Chris Young not making the team....
Don't get me started on Chris Young not making the team....
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